“Some days I am more wolf than woman, and I am still learning how to stop apologizing for my wild.” ― Nikita Gill
This one is for the women whose hearts are too big for the smallness of their lives.
Women who who want to make a bigger impact.
Be seen, fully.
Maybe you're already making progress, but it feels like something—you—are getting in your own way.
You're a wild wolf, but somehow you keeping getting pats on your head like a tame dog.
Somehow you have a collar on and you're not quite sure who is holding the end of the leash.
What got us here is a partly our domestication and also our own acquiescence.
We hear the message that we are somehow "too much." We hear that message, and all variations of it, over and over and over.
At first we think it will be better to keep the peace, agreeing that perhaps we really are too much, we really do need to tone down our energy, our volume.
Keeping the peace comes at a cost though. For a time, we let this this dim our light.
We make very good pets.
We are good students and good workers.
But something is missing.
We know we can also be phenomenal leaders.
We know we don't just have things to learn, but things to teach. Things that only we can impart on the world, and time is slipping away from us as we yearn to do so.
From the years of the silence and the hiding, there has to be an unlearning.
You are already in the process of unlearning, of re-wilding. I know, because otherwise you would not be here.
You are already wildly capable and strong beyond belief. I know, because we are of the same bones. We have howled at the same moon.
But there is a still continual backslide from progress back to our own timidity.
Is it okay to be ourselves?
Of course. Yes. We tell ourselves, "Yes." Those who see us most clearly echo, "Yes."
Intellectually, we know, "Yes, it is okay to be myself." How absurd to think otherwise, right?
But all the while we still get the same messages from all sides, sometimes even from people we trust who mean well.
You are not enough. You are too much.
Sometimes, even now, after seven years together, I will be so loud and kind of cheeky, and my partner will mistake it for anger. Even now.
He tells me to tone it down. To not be angry.
Each time, this catches me off guard. You, who know me so well...do you not know this part of me? Do you not know all of these funny, wild bits of my soul?
I thought I shared them with you. I thought I had shared all of this, all of me, with you.
But in the keeping the peace, sometimes I forgot to be loud. To be full. To be wild.
Even now, are there parts of me that I think are out in the open, but that I actually have to keep teasing out, bringing forward, magnifying.
No matter where you are in your process of remembering, it's continual.
Thankfully, while the cycle continues, the recovery gets faster.
The more you allow yourself to be full, be big, return to your wildness, the sooner you can leave behind your smallness and your fear.
And if you ever need help in this process, I am here.
If you ever find yourself feeling small and unsure of what to do next to get back to feeling full, I am here.
If you need a listener, I am here.
If you need a thought partner in making yourself more visible, fully heard, fully human and ferociously wild, I am here for you.
Reclaiming your own wildness is something you alone can do, but do not forgot that as women we are all doing it together.
Take heart, wild one.
You have the forces of nature and your own will on your side.
How can I help you reclaim your needs?
What do you need to be fully free?