surrender into self-sufficient partnership


“We are divided as people because we are not integrated as individuals.” — Brené Brown

Consider the following phrase:

"You are my everything."

Does that statement make you swoon...or squirm?

Personally, those words cause both my eyebrows and my skepticism to raise.

Maybe it sounds nice in a cheesy romantic comedy.

But please don't strive for the all-encompassing yielding of your self-hood

Instead, stand tall on your own, radiate your greatest capacity for contribution and bask in how wonderful you are both alone and in collaboration with others.

And choose a partner who does likewise.

There is a deeply damaging and overly romanticized notion of either depending wholly on another person or letting them wholly depend on you.

Enter the prince charming complex, wherein a man on a white horse sweeps a woman off her feet, "saving" her amidst her own inability to save herself.

Or the woman who continually chooses the damaged goods with the (misguided) sincerity to "fix him."

Humans are not meant to live in isolation, neither alone nor in a secluded bubble with someone else.

Let's get something straight: you are your own everything.

You already have all of the tools you need available to you at this very moment.

Interacting in relation to other humans is how you learn to access those tools and show others how to access them in turn.

I generally try to avoid the giving of definitive advice; however, I'm firm in this matter and I wholeheartedly

Whether romantic or platonic, base relationships on self-sufficiency.

Choose partners who take care of themselves.

And hold up your side of the bargain by taking care of yourself.

Self-sufficient partnership does not mean the inability to receive care, however.

I use the word "partnership" very intentionally.

Because partnership entails reciprocity.

Using your unique talents, benefitting from theirs. And vice versa.

Take the gifts of your own relationship and spread them outwardly. Take the gifts of your outside interactions and bring them home to your lover.

Even while you take care of yourself and your partner takes care of him- or herself, you allow yourself to be open the receiving their care and they are open to receiving your care.

Basically, neither person needs the other.

But you choose to support and be supported by one another.

Trust yourself and make sure they trust themselves.

Iris Rankin

Soulful questioner, exuberant organizer, here to find the balance between discipline and delicious relaxation. Iris Rankin is the founder of Project Intention, a values-based community focused on living day-to-day with purpose, planning, and heart. Iris encourages women to adopt the self care practices that make them feel divine, the planning tools to hone in on their essential wants and needs, and the emotional resilience to express their most authentic selves.

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