You are not a bad person for expressing your needs

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“Don't shrink. Don't puff up. Just stand your sacred ground.” ― Brené Brown

You likely already know, but you likely also need the reminder:

Speaking up for what you need is hard, but that does not mean you should not do it.

Growing up, I was pretty headstrong (my mom might call that an understatement).

But at some undetermined point, during many disagreements, I either didn't speak up at all or I felt excruciatingly awful.

Whenever I stand my ground for what I know has the potential to hurt someone else, I feel like the most horrible person in the world.

Of course you don't want to be hurtful.

You have the tact and sensitivity to yield to the needs of another person.

That is a monumental skill that should not be overlooked.

Truly, not everyone behaves as you do, acknowledging someone else's say and heeding every contingency.

But your needs are as equally valid as the other person's in any conversation.

Never forget that.

We often shrink out of fear from speaking up for what we need.

Fear that we will disappoint someone else.

Fear that we will expose our tender underbellies of our needs and that the other person will stomp all over them.

I cannot guarantee that won't happen, but I can guarantee something:

If you do not speak up for what you need, your needs will not be met.

Sometimes conversations about what you need can be incredibly hard, especially if they are at odds with the needs of someone else.

But that is okay.

Just because something is hard does not mean you cannot do it.

We can do hard things.

If there is just one thing that I wholeheartedly hope for each of us this year, it is that we stand our ground whenever we know that it would go against our own heart's wishes to do otherwise.

The next time you find yourself meekly agreeing (despite your gut telling you the opposite), speak up and speak loudly.

Iris Rankin

Soulful questioner, exuberant organizer, here to find the balance between discipline and delicious relaxation. Iris Rankin is the founder of Project Intention, a values-based community focused on living day-to-day with purpose, planning, and heart. Iris encourages women to adopt the self care practices that make them feel divine, the planning tools to hone in on their essential wants and needs, and the emotional resilience to express their most authentic selves.

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